Confessions of an Addict

My name Petrina and I am an addict.

I recently came to the realization that I am an addict because:

• I will do anything to get money to get my next fix.
• I lie about my habit.
• A good portion of my income is spent on it. (I refuse to figure out how much.)
  
• My friends are junkies too.
• I never leave the house with my drugs. When I do leave the house without something I always regret it.
• I try to get everyone to do it.
• I have paraphernalia all over my home.
• Sometimes I sit up all night doing it, because I just can't stop.
• I would rather cater to my addition then do certain things that I once enjoyed.

I have been an addict now for a little over six years. It started off harmless. I figured I would try it out with some friends. I thought it would be something we could all do together. None of knew us how that decision would change our all of our lives forever. We would have never guessed how much money and time would be spent catering to our addictions.

For years, I had toyed with idea of trying it. I remember when I first moved to the city I went to the corner of 8th street and Broadway and picked up some stuff. Figured since I didn't spend a lot of money on it I wouldn't be mad if I didn't get the high I was looking for. I remember rushing home to try it. Hoping that my roommates weren't home, so that I do it without them judging me.

I remember sitting on the floor looking at my new found treasure with glee with the hopes of getting high, but of course I couldn't figure it. So I threw away my cheap items and moved on to something else.

Years later, the notion hit me again, so I spoke to some friends to ask them if they ever thought about doing it and to my surprise they were interested. So I asked around to find out where I could score and I started making calls. I live in New York City, so it doesn't take long to get anything. I was able to find a dealer within a few days. I called my friends and told them that I found a place and that the fee was $135 and we needed to pay in cash.

I am not sure how long it took for us to get everything together, but I will not forgot the night I tried it. I remember walking up this dimly light stairway with my friends. There was something odd about the stairway. For a moment I wondered if were in the right place. Then we saw the door of the place were going to. Walk in and paid for our goods and then waited to be served. My friends and I weren't the only ones there. There were other newbies there waiting for their first taste.

As we sat there and waited I wondered. Did I just waste my money on something I may not or may not give me the high I am looking for? I wondered what was I going to do if I really liked it.

A few minutes later a hippy looking woman came out and introduced herself to us. You may think that I am going to tell you that my first experience was amazing and that I never felt a high like this. Nope not all. It was awful. I couldn't figure out what to do with the needle. My friends figured it out quickly and I could see their faces lighting up. I could see that they were getting the high that I wanted. The entire night I struggled. I remember going home that night feeling stupid for spending all of that money and not getting the high I was looking for.

I remember talking to my friends and them telling me how great it was once they got started and that I should try one more time. One night I met Suzy at her office after hours while no one else was there. She wanted to teach me in private.

I remember Suzy, Cheryl and I sitting around in a circle and they set me up and told me how to hold the needle, so that I could it get it just right. I couldn't do it. They kept setting me up and I kept screwing up and then finally everything worked and I got my first taste.

After an hours of practicing how to cast on I finally got it! Then we moved on the knit and purl stitches. By the time the second class came around I was ready for more. Once our 6 sessions of lessons ended I was a full blown addict. Wanting to try different yarns and patterns.

6 years my addiction has changed over time. When I first started it was more about knitting for hours and hours, but now my addiction has changed more into shopping. Buying and buying and buying yarn and other items.

Today, I was trying to figure out if I should work some overtime this week and I quickly answered my question with a yes. I can use that money to buy yarn during my day at Flying Fingers.

I know I am not alone. Feel free to share your addiction stories with me.